


Forgotten Love

by detective_giggles



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Amnesia, Barisi genres & tropes challenge, Fluff and Angst, Love Letters, M/M, Romance, double prompt fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29783598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/detective_giggles/pseuds/detective_giggles
Summary: “Sonny, I could never forget you.” He caught Sonny’s hand in his and turned, placing gentle kisses on his palm.“You did, Rafi. I was so scared. For you, for us.”Rafael doesn't remember Sonny, but Sonny will always be by his side.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 42
Collections: Barisi Genres & Tropes Challenge





	Forgotten Love

**Author's Note:**

> My first (and, let's face it, probably only entry) into the challenge this month. This covers "Romance" for Side A and "Amnesia" for Side B. This was a double-prompt fill (the second prompt being Love Letters), so that's where those come in to play. This is un-beta'd, so any mistakes are on me and Grammarly. Also, I'm not a doctor and I don't play one on TV-any inaccuracies are mine. I googled basic amnesia info, but let’s face it, the tv version of amnesia we see is much better than the real-life version. Thank you for reading :)

Sonny unlocked the front door and pushed it open. “Well, here we are,” he murmured comfortingly, “home, sweet, home.”

Rafael hesitated at the door. Sonny was incredibly patient, his hand near the small of Rafael’s back but not actually touching him, which he appreciated. Rafael slowly stepped over the threshold into the apartment and Sonny followed close behind. Sonny shut the door, locking it behind them and paused, toeing off his shoes. Rafael followed suit and then looked around, his eyes taking in as many details as he could.

Sonny led him into the kitchen. “How about if I show you around, and then we can just rest before dinner?”

Rafael let out an amused snort at the thought of someone having to show him around _his own apartment_. He nodded slowly and followed Sonny as he pointed out all the important rooms. He made a few jokes, but Rafael couldn’t tell whether he was actually nervous or if he was just trying to put him at ease. 

“And, the bedroom.” 

Rafael looked around. His gaze lingered on the bed and then back to Sonny, who was watching him carefully. “I, uh, made up the bed in the guest room. I can sleep there until you’re more comfortable, or until you remember who I am.” 

“You would do that for me?”

Sonny smiled, “of course. You’re my husband. There’s literally nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

“Thank you. That’s sweet, I think.”

“Of course. I’m gonna go get dinner started and I’d like to make your favorite if that’s okay?”

Rafael sat on the edge of the bed and shrugged. “You don’t have to go through all that trouble for me. Anything is fine, or we can pick something up?”

“It’s no trouble. I’ll come get you when it’s ready.” Sonny pointed out which dresser was his, and which side of the closet his things were in. “Get some rest, you’ve had a long couple of days.”

Rafael sighed and looked around the bedroom again. He wanted to find something more comfortable to sleep in, but he felt weird going through the drawers, even though he knew they were his.

The dresser, like the apartment, felt foreign to him. He couldn’t remember ever living here, even though he had seen enough evidence to the contrary. He anxiously fiddled with the wedding band on his finger, another puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit. 

The doctors were optimistic that the memory loss would be only temporary, but it had been two days so far, and he was no closer to unlocking the secrets in his own head. Stressed and alone, Rafael curled up until he drifted off into a fitful sleep.

***

“Then what happened?” Rafael took another bite. Dinner was delicious, and after the crappy, under-seasoned hospital food, he hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he started eating. Sonny was carrying on the conversation, of course. Rafael had asked Sonny about their wedding, and apparently, it was quite the spectacle.

Sonny tossed his napkin on the table and leaned in, laughing, “so then her dog, Frannie, got loose and knocked over the cake. We bought a cake from the best bakery in Manhattan, and that darn dog was the only one to enjoy it.” 

“Why was the dog at our wedding?”

Sonny stood and shrugged as he gathered their plates. “She’s family. And she loves you. I think it’s because you always have snacks for her. She’s not supposed to get people food, but she always manages to get her fill of pretzels when you’re around.” 

“So because I give her illicit snacks, she felt it was okay to eat our wedding cake? Sounds fair.” Rafael leaned against the counter and watched as Sonny tucked the leftovers into the fridge and started washing the dishes. “So, what do we usually do? Is this a typical night for us?”

Sonny chuckled, “what? You watching me clean? Yes, pretty typical.”

“Huh? Oh, sorry. I guess I-“

“It’s okay. I was teasing. It’s kinda what we do.”

“Tease each other? Like children?”

“Well, it sounds weird when you put it that way. But yes. You started it.”

“I started it?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re okay with this?”

Sonny grinned, “I love it.”

“Well, alright then. I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

Sonny finished the dishes quickly and disappeared for a few minutes as Rafael figured out his way around the kitchen, slowly, drying them and putting them away. 

They sat and talked a little more and Sonny answered more of Rafael’s questions about his life. Their life. It was nearly midnight when Rafael retired for the evening, telling Sonny good night, and slipping into the bedroom, exhausted. 

He turned and saw a small, square envelope on his pillow. He sat down and opened the envelope, pulling out the handwritten note inside. 

_Rafael,_

_I’ve never told you this but I think I first fell in love with your laugh. We were at the bar with the squad and I told a joke. (In all honesty, I think you were laughing at me and not with me), but I didn’t care. It was a beautiful sound and I knew I wanted to hear it every day for the rest of my life._

_All my love,  
S_

Rafael smiled and carefully tucked the letter away in a dresser drawer before crawling into bed.

***

Days went by and Rafael was no closer to remembering anything about his life. He and Sonny had eased into a routine, they had hoped filling his days with familiar places and people would spark some memories, instead, it was only frustrating him. 

Rafael and Sonny went for walks around the city in the morning and then joined family or close friends for lunch. His favorite, so far, was Rita, a friend from law school. She kept them way too late, telling them stories about their shenanigans at Harvard. Although he wasn't entirely sure he believed all her stories.

Afternoons were reserved for resting or a nap since Rafael found himself constantly exhausted. They made dinner together in the evenings, and Rafael was surprised to find he wasn’t half bad at this cooking thing. The food was good and they had fun making it and trying out new recipes. They relaxed together after dinner, usually on the couch with a movie. 

Days turned into weeks but every so often, Rafael found a new letter from Sonny. Each one was handwritten like the first, describing another detail in their relationship. Their first date. His proposal to Sonny. Their honeymoon to Italy. Some were pages long and others were short, only a few sentences, but Rafael poured over them all, reading and re-reading each one. 

It hurt Rafael’s heart to read them, he could only imagine how hard they were for Sonny to write, documenting the best moments of their lives for him, knowing he didn’t remember any of it and not knowing if he ever would. 

Frustrated, Rafael carefully bundled the letters and slipped them into the drawer. He headed down the hall and knocked on the door to the guest room, pushing the door open. “Sonny?”

“Hmmm?” 

“Can I?”

“Yeah, yes of course.” Sonny shifted, leaving enough room for Rafael to climb into bed with him. “Come here, what’s wrong?”

“I just- your letters. We have so much history. Sonny, it’s been so long. What if I can’t…what if I don’t remember?” 

“It’ll be okay, I promise. We’ve had some good times, Rafael, but we’ll figure it out. If you don’t have the old memories, we’ll just have to make new ones, is all.”

“But-”

“No buts. I’m not gonna give up yet. You’re remembering things, slowly, just give it some more time, okay?”

“Okay,” Rafael whispered. “I’m sorry, I’ll go to bed and stop freaking out.”

“You’re welcome to stay. Only if you want.”

Rafael nodded, “I’d like that. Thank you.”

“I love you, Rafi. I always have. I always will.”

***

Rafael rolled over restlessly, reaching for Sonny. His hand hit the sheets and he cracked open his eyes, realizing he was in bed alone. He blinked slowly, it wasn’t even eight am but he could smell coffee and bacon, and that pulled him out of bed despite the early hour. He grabbed his phone and squinted in confusion at the date: March 30th. 

The older he got, the faster time seemed to fly, but this was ridiculous. Could the date on his phone be wrong? Was that even possible? He had been crazy busy, prepping for a big trial, but that wasn’t unusual. How had he managed to lose track of more than two weeks and let his anniversary sneak up on him like this? 

He climbed out of bed and made his way down the hall and into the kitchen, hoping some caffeine would help.

“Good morning,” Sonny murmured as he cracked a couple of eggs into a skillet. “Happy Anniversary.”

Rafael grunted and moved past him, pouring himself a cup of coffee and downing half of it in a few large gulps. He leaned against the counter and refilled his mug, taking a couple of smaller sips.   
“So, it really is our Anniversary? Weird.”

“It is. I know you don’t remember, and I promise I didn’t make any extravagant plans for us. I just thought we could stay here, I’ll make us a little dinner, maybe we could watch a movie.”

“I believe that’s what you said last year, and then proceeded to cook us a five-course meal.”

“Better than any restaurant in town. Wait wait, you remember our last anniversary?” Sonny turned, his head cocked to the side. He was trying not to be overly hopeful, he had told a lot of stories in the past few weeks, and he wasn’t sure that Rafael wasn’t just parroting back something Sonny had already told him.

Rafael sipped again and snorted. “Kinda hard to forget with you fucking me into the mattress every chance you got. Also, why do you think I wouldn’t remem- what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Rafi. I- you...”

“What are you trying to say? Sonny, use your big boy words.”

“You. Holy shit, Rafi!” Sonny wrapped his arms around Rafael, pulling him into a hug and burying his face in Rafael’s neck. “Oh my God, I’ve missed you.”

“I’m right here.”

Sonny sniffled, not even trying to hide the tears, and shook his head. “You were. Here. But... you weren’t. Rafael, there was an...incident at your office. You were hurt. Mostly minor injuries, except for…some pretty severe memory loss. You didn’t know who I was. I mean, you hardly knew who you were.” He ran his fingers through Rafael’s hair and leaned in, resting his forehead against Rafael’s.

“Sonny, I could never forget you.” He caught Sonny’s hand in his and turned, placing gentle kisses on his palm.

“You did, Rafi. It was the worst three weeks of my life. I was so scared. For you, for us.”

“I’m a little scared you’re gonna catch that pan on fire,” Rafael murmured. Sonny laughed and stepped back, pushing the pan off the burner and turned it off. 

“So, you wanna go out for one last brunch, just the two of us before we tell everyone the good news?”

“Sounds great.”

“I’m gonna just hop in the shower and then we can go.” Sonny disappeared down the hall. Rafael followed shortly behind and as he entered the bedroom, he noticed a yellow piece of paper on the floor near Sonny’s jeans that must have fallen out of his pocket. He unfolded it and recognized his own handwriting immediately, although he couldn't recall writing it. 

_Sonny-_

_The past few weeks have been challenging, for us both, I assume._

_I don’t think I can ever explain how it feels to have a chunk of my life just…gone. To forget the people and the things who have played such an important part in my life and who have shaped me into the person I am._

_I don’t know what I would have done without your support. Thank you for being my friend, my rock, and my husband. You make me feel safe and loved, and you’ve been there when I needed you._

_Apparently, I have managed to fall for you not only once, but twice, so if that’s not a sign we’re soulmates, I don’t know what is._

_I don’t know what will happen. I can hope I’ll wake up in a week or a month and remember everything, but I do know, whatever happens, I want you by my side. For all of it. But if I don’t remember, I don’t want to wait to start making new memories. So consider this our (second) first “I love you”._

_I love you to the moon and back,  
Rafael_


End file.
